Nit treatments are like diets. The truth is, nothing works

 


Powered by Guardian.co.ukThis article titled “Nit treatments are like diets. The truth is, nothing works” was written by Zoe Williams, for theguardian.com on Thursday 21st June 2018 11.30 Asia/Kolkata

Nit treatments are like a children’s variant of the diet market, a nursery slope introduction to the fact that, the less likely something is to work, the more it will wang on about how fast it works. The truth is, nothing works, you’re just stuck in a nit yo-yo between having them and not having them, until the passage of time intercedes and the many-legged charabanc either moves on, on its own, or you learn to accept it. I guess it’s not a bad life lesson, like having a guinea pig die or discovering that your parents can’t do fractions.

For the mothers of these vermin-factories, it’s like wearing your psyche on the outside, walking around popping with visible embarrassing thought bubbles. I’ve had them so often that even writing the word “nit” makes my head itch, but so does everything else. Being bored, or around people who make me uncomfortable, or in traffic, or asked a question that I don’t know the answer to, or wearing a T-shirt that is too hot, or remembering a phone call I didn’t return, it all makes me scratch so melodramatically that I look like a German advert for a nit treatment, which is ironic since all I want to do is shout their inefficacy from the rooftops, for ever.

Men never get them, which you might assume is because they are bald, until you marry again, one with hair, and realise the mystery runs deeper. That gender imbalance makes my head itch. I’ve had to stop biting my nails, because I just don’t have the time. Yes, before you make the accusation, I am writing this in the hope that someone will send me their genius, life-changing folk suggestion. I don’t care what it is – vinegar and hydraulic acid, the ground-up bones of massacred headlice. I’m at my nits’ end.

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Nit treatments are like diets. The truth is, nothing works | NORTH INDIA KALEIDOSCOPE

Rajesh Ahuja

I am a veteran journalist based in Chandigarh India.I joined the profession in June 1982 and worked as a Staff Reporter with the National Herald at Delhi till June 1986. I joined The Hindu at Delhi in 1986 as a Staff Reporter and was promoted as Special Correspondent in 1993 and transferred to Chandigarh. I left The Hindu in September 2012 and launched my own newspaper ventures including this news portal and a weekly newspaper NORTH INDIA KALEIDOSCOPE (currently temporarily suspended).